


For my angel

by justamazing10



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F, I'll go down with this ship, try to stop me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 10:54:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18364574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justamazing10/pseuds/justamazing10
Summary: "I wasn't! I didn't mean any of it, Lena! You have to believe me!" The blonde was starting to get desperate. "Please."Or the one where Kara doesn't know how to function without Lena.





	For my angel

**Author's Note:**

> I already posted something incredibly similar for Bechloe but if the day of my death arrives and I haven't posted this for Supercorp, I'll have to force my dead ass up and to the keyboard to finish this.
> 
> Sue me.

It was the night before Christmas and the gang were gathered at Kara's place. Alex and Winn were fighting over which Christmas movie they should watch, Maggie and James were bickering about whose eggnog tasted better and Kara was silently praying to whatever God there was up there that the damn Christmas CD Winn brought would already break so she wouldn't have to listen to the same 3 overplayed songs over and over.

Lena, on the other hand, was amusedly watching everything unfold as she sipped red wine from her glass. Still, she didn't take her eyes off a certain too-quiet blonde.

Kara stood on the far end of the kitchen isle, presumably occupying herself conscientiously cleaning dishes and glasses. Lena took notice of the empty and apparently not-at-all useful dishwasher right next to the blonde, though she opted not to say anything. Although Kara was never the soul of the party, as one would say, she always radiated some sort of _light_. Tonight, however, the journalist's attention seemed to be everywhere else but at the current event. Truth is, she had been flooded with work (both _super_ and not super) and hadn't had the chance to sleep much lately.

Lena was about to lay her glass down and approach the blonde right as she noticed Kara's hands hanging onto a fork _too tightly_. She took too much time moving, though, because next thing she knew, Kara had already bended the cutlery.

"May want to go easier there, tiger" Lena said as she neared Kara. "As much as I might enjoy this display of brute strength, I'd still very much prefer to eat dessert with utensils instead of with my bare hands".

“Sorry.” Kara sheepishly muttered. Sensing the blonde wasn’t in a mood for a talk, the brunette merely offered to help taking the rest of the trays to the table, for which she obtained a tentative nod as response.

The thing is none of the “guests” had made plans to have dinner together, it just sort of happened. One minute they were celebrating another Supergirl victory and the next they were fighting over the last remains of wine. Kara, on the other hand, _did_ have plans. She intended on spending a quiet night in; making the most of her time to finally breathe and maybe have a glass of wine herself. It might not sound like something one plans in advance, or plan at all, for that matter, but the poor girl had been incredibly busy these past weeks.

Simultaneously saving the city day and night and working on a 12-page-long coverage of the new threat on National City (a newfound species of plant; which Kara didn’t think was dangerous _at all_ ) was really exhausting.

That’s why she had to hold back a grunt and pretend like she didn’t mind when Winn suggested they should all meet tonight. And right now she had to work extremely hard not to make obvious all she really wanted was to kick their friends out, for she wanted to be left alone.

Anyway, after putting the bended fork aside and picking up the dessert, both she and Lena neared the rest of the group and asked their friends to retake their seats around the table. Conversation resumed and everyone seemed to be having a good time. That is until Maggie accidentally spilled some hot chocolate on Kara’s very new and very white blouse. The blonde snapped. 

“For _fuck’s_ sake, Maggie!” She tried to avoid the drops to make any further damage but no matter what she did, it resulted futile. Her outfit was already ruined. “You should have been more careful!”

“I’m so sorry” Maggie put her hands up as she kept profusely apologising. “I’m so clumsy today”.

“Maybe if you hadn’t drunk the whole bottle of wine all by yourself you would’ve been more careful.” To say everyone was taken aback by the usually perky woman’s retort would be an understatement.

“Hey, Kara” Alex came to Maggie’s defence “Chill; it was an accident, it’s okay.”

The blonde snorted as she vainly tried to wipe the already dried chocolate off her clothes. “Right, defend the new woman and not the one that’s been in your family for years.”

“Kara” It was Lena’s voice that finally made the blonde shoot her head up. Lena who was an expertise when it came to family disputes, was looking at Kara sternly. She wanted to convey both empathy for the blonde and disapproval for her harsh words. “I am with Alex on this one, what you said-“

“Do not get involved, Lena” Kara warned. “This doesn’t affect you.”

“Yes, it does.” Lena never backed down when challenged. If anything, she was starting to get unnerved by Kara’s odd behaviour. “We may not be blood related, but I still consider you all my family, and I won’t tolerate-“

“Correct me if I’m wrong” Kara crossed her arms and stepped in front of Lena; daring her “but didn’t your _actual_ family disown you?”

Everyone had gone dead silence by now. They were mere spectators to this fight of titans; watching silently like a child watches their parents argue. No one dared to speak up in fear that the rage would be thrown their way.

“It wasn’t like that.” Lena tried to maintain her posture even though Kara’s words had hit hard. It only lasted for about half of a second, but Lena’s lips quivered even the slightest and Kara took this as a sign of vulnerability and a chance to push even further.

“It doesn’t matter how hard you try to hide it.” By the way she pronounced the next words, it seemed like there might as well have been venom in her mouth. “You’ll always be a _Luthor_." 

Lena gasped. There. It was out. As soon as the words fell from Kara’s mouth she wanted to take them back. She closed her eyes tightly as she ducked her head down in shame. She didn’t want to look at Lena, knowing damn well she'd only see sadness and pain in those green eyes she had more than once found herself lost in. She hadn't meant to say that. Hell, she didn't even really think any of what she had said but she was tired and stupid and… well, yeah, especially stupid.

Ironically enough, on top of all the work she had been doing, she had also been squeezing her brains out looking for the perfect present for the very same girl she had just practically spit in the face of. She had felt overwhelmed at CatCo, at the DEO and even at the bar, where J’onn had some time ago told her something that still haunted her.

_"Oh, Kara." J’onn said clearly surprised upon discovering the blonde approaching him at the alien bars. "Wasn't expecting you."_

_"Why?"_

_"Why what?" The Martian frowned._

_"Why did you cut short today’s mission? I have to know." The superhero started toying with the hem of her shirt and didn't dare to look up from her newly bought shoes._

_"Come, sit down." J’onn said sympathetically. "Let me get you’re a beer."_

_The man got up from his stool in order to get the blonde a drink and she stood awkwardly fumbling with her glasses while she waited for him. He returned not long after with two jars of beer and offered one to the girl. He then sat down and gestured Kara to do the same. Kara sat on the edge of the chair, trying to be as discrete as she could but also hoping this would only be a five-minute conversation. J’onn did notice the action, though he decided not to comment on it._

_"Well, I guess I'll go straight to the point." He said after taking a long gulp of his beer. "Kara, do you really feel you were focused? Or, rather, don’t you think you’ve been a little distracted lately?"_

_"J’onn, I don't underst-"_

_"Look," he put a hand up, trying not to be rude and interrupt her but wanting instead to be clear "I honestly think you are." Kara looked at him. He didn't seem resentful or even mad. He seemed… understanding? The man took another sip but the blonde still remained silent. "I think you are…" he resumed "because I believe you are too occupied with something else." He looked pointedly at her, hoping she would start to catch on. But despite being the strongest being on Earth, Kara was sometimes as dense as one can be, so she had no clue what J’onn was trying to get at._

_"Um, maybe? But you know how it is when there are assignments coming up. Deadlines have to be met, and everyone in the DEO gets stressed if I miss even one phone call and I have to sort everything else out basically all by myself and then there’s-"_

_"Kara, that's not what I was talking about." He had almost finished his beer while she had been too focused on justifying herself. He put a hand on top of the blonde’s and she had to physically fight the urge to remove her own. "What I meant to say, is that ever since a certain someone moved to National City, your attention has been diverted towards that someone else." He squeezed his hand in a reassuring manner and smiled compassionately at her. "Just think about it, yeah?"_

_"J’onn, I honestly have no idea-"_

_"I believe you should figure out the rest on your own. At your own pace." She looked at him confusedly and decided to call it a night. She was too tired to try and decipher what the Martian was implying._

_"I should go." Kara said standing up. "It’s gotten pretty late."_

_"Sure." J’onn also stoop up to walk Kara out. As they started walking to the entrance, the man took notice of the fact that the girl hadn’t even taken a sip from the drink. He felt slightly offended that she wouldn't have tasted the most exquisite alien beer he ordered, but he hoped the blonde would at least think thoroughly about what he had told her._

_"Oh, and, Kara?" He shouted right before she prepared herself to fly off. "The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return." He doubted she had even seen Moulin Rouge, but he hoped she'd get the message. With one last smile and wave of hand, he watched her go._

The air was filled with tension back in Kara’s flat. Both Lena and Kara seemed to be anchored to the ground and made of stone because neither of them moved a muscle. None of the others wanted to be the first one to speak up either, afraid they would release some sort of storm. Seconds felt like minutes and the longer Lena stood still, the more Kara wanted to cry. She was about to make a move to leave but Lena’s broken voice made her feel like a ton of bricks had fallen on her.

"I'm sorry for being such a bitch to you, guys. I won’t torment you with my presence anymore. Merry Christmas." And with that, she went out the door.

Kara felt like screaming, crying and breaking down all at once. She had been hit by the worst pain she could ever imagine: Lena’s. The brunette’s hurting was way harsher than anything the journalist had ever felt on her own skin. It was as if someone had stuck a knife on her chest.

"I'm so sorry, Kara." It was Maggie’s soft words that brought Kara out of her trance. “Hadn’t I spilled the chocolate you and Lena wouldn’t have fought. I’m-” She didn’t finish her sentence due to the tears cascading down Kara’s face.

Her friends were quick to reassure her that this would turn out fine; that it was Lena and Kara they were talking about. There was no way they wouldn’t be able to fix this. Still, they were whispering amongst one another and lamenting what happened. Kara, moreover, was still glued on her position. Her gaze was glassy and settled on some vases near the chimney. Upon seeing this, Alex approached her and hugged her tightly.

"It was my fault." Kara whispered once she felt her sister’s arms around her. "I hurt her and she left because of what I said." Her voice got shakier with every word that slipped her lips. "I'm a terrible person."

"Hey, hey, don't say that." Alex held her close and wiped some of her tears away. "We all could’ve handled this differently. If anything, it’s our fault for not speaking up. She’s mad at all of us."

"No, she’s not!" Kara broke down crying. "She is mad at me, Alex! I was the one who insulted her without reason! God, I'm such a bitch."

"There's no reason to hate yourself now, Kara." Winn chimed in once he saw the chance to approach the Danvers sisters. "Like Alex said, we should all take blame on this one."

"You. Just. Don't. Get it!" Kara’s scream took them all by surprise. The blonde was not known for raising her voice at other people, like ever. "Lena is my everything and now she thinks I hate her guts and I have no idea how to fix this."

And it was then when her brain made a click. J’onn’s words came back to haunt her again. _The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love, and be loved in return._ The reason why Lena’s parting was so hurtful was because she loved her. She was in love with her. And she had screwed up big time.

"I'll go get her." James said determined as he grabbed his jacket from the hanger by the door. "I don't know where she went so it might be a while."

"I'll go with you." Maggie got up from the sofa in one swift move and practically ran to the door where James had already one foot out. Alex and Winn nodded their approval.

"As for you, young lady" Alex said looking at her little sister "why don't we clean you up a little and get you a cup of tea?"

"You've been incredibly tense for days, girl." Winn agreed.

The blonde simply shrugged, for she had no fight left in her to decline the idea. Her friends carried her to the bathroom and wiped her smudged eyeliner the best they could while assuring her everything would be fine. Kara wasn't listening at all at what they were saying, she didn't care one bit. The only thing occupying her mind was the brunette. How had she been so absurdly oblivious this whole time to her own feelings? How did she not recognise the peaceful feeling that captured her every time she so much as glanced at Lena? Every single time she had been ready to send her job at CatCo out the window the brunette had been there, calming her down and taking her tiredness away with just one smile. She had been the first one ever to believe that Kara could become a reporter if she really wanted to, she made her realise that she was good at something other than saving people. She wasn’t just Supergirl, but _Kara Danvers_ as well. Lena made Kara’s life so much easier and worth living. She made, the blonde realised, every night feel like a Friday night. Lena was passion and calmness all at once. She was warm and soft but could still cut you open with one of her looks if you ever so much as looked at the blonde the wrong way. She was protective of the things and people she loved; that Kara found out not much longer after she met the CEO for the first time. She was fierce, yet loving. Demanding, yet understanding. She was sunsets and rainclouds. Lena was everything Kara was afraid of letting herself want. But she wasn’t scared anymore.

Kara didn't know how much time passed since Maggie and James had left in search for Lena. It could have been minutes or hours. She didn't know and she didn't care. All she wanted was for her to come back. Luckily soon enough, Kara was abruptly pulled back to reality when she heard the front door open and close with a loud thud. She got up so fast that she almost knocked Winn down. She ran to the door in record time and was met by the puffy and red eyes of the woman she had found herself falling for over the last months but hadn't realised until recently.

When she was face to face with Lena, however, she was surprised to find herself completely speechless. A couple of seconds ago, her whole body ached to be near her, and her brain was yelling lots of apologies at her ranging from a 'hey, sorry about before' to begging on her knees for the brunette’s forgiveness. Yet, when she met Lena’s gaze she had no words. The other woman's eyeliner was even more smudged than Kara’s had been minutes prior, her hair was a complete mess and her clothes were all wrinkled. Still, Kara couldn't help but think this was the most beautiful woman she had even seen.

Maggie and James, who had been awkwardly standing by the door nodded to Alex and Winn and they all silently and slowly went out to give their friends a little privacy. Once they were out of sight, Kara started balancing on her toes and heels and playing with the hem of her sweatshirt.

"I'm glad you're back."

"Yeah, Maggie and James practically dragged me back so" she didn't meet Kara’s eyes as she spoke "it's not like I had a saying."

Kara opened her mouth to speak but Lena cut her off before she could say anything.

"Why, Kara?" Lena looked directly into her eyes. "If I was such a burden for all of you, why didn't you guys tell me before? Especially you." She said the last part so softly than Kara almost didn't hear her. Almost.

"That's the thing, Lee! You're not a burden! You've never been." Kara threw her hands in the air as if to prove a point. "You're the one who complains about us when we get restless and impose rules around mechanical stuff, yes. And I know that one happened after a particular incident." She rolled her eyes as she took a step closer. "But you're also the one who makes me forget I’m far from home. Thanks to you (and the Danvers)” she acknowledged “I have another family now. And so do you." She took a deep breath and took Lena’s left hand in hers. She brought it up until it was at chest level and ran her thumb along her palm. "A family that's more caring, and sweeter. And that doesn't force us to wear stupid Christmas themed sweaters." She wrinkled her nose to empathise her point and Lena let out an involuntary chuckle. "My point is, Lee, that I've spent the last minutes hating myself for saying those hurtful things to you. I want you to know that in no way did I mean what I said and that I do not think that of you."

A tear fell down Lena’s cheek but just as it reached her chin, the brunette shook her head and frowned, as if to dismiss a thought and removed her hand from Kara’s. The blonde tried not to look too hurt by the action. Lena took a sharp intake of breath and broke eye contact with the journalist.

"You seemed pretty convinced back then, Kara."

"I wasn't! I didn't mean any of it, Lena! You have to believe me!" The blonde was starting to get desperate. "Please."

"I'm too tired for this. I'm going to bed." Lena announced as she turned away and made a move for the doorknob.

"Wait!" Kara’s plead made Lena hesitate for a second. The blonde used that to her advantage as she grabbed Lena’s hand once again. "Wait right here." And with that, Kara ran so fast to her bedroom she was practically flying.

Not five minutes after, she was back with a red tiny notebook in her hands. She was panting hard but did her best to look as composed as she could.

"This" said Kara between intakes of breath "is my most precious belonging, yet at the same time, the thing I fear the most." That visibly caught Lena’s attention, but she tried to hide it behind a mask of disinterest.

"It's your notebook. I've seen it before." Lena crossed her arms. "Why are you showing it to me? You never let anyone near it anyway."

"It's the place where I write the poems I'm too afraid to say out loud. It's the place I write the stuff I'm too coward to read afterwards. It may look like a simple notebook, but it's actually kind of a look inside my mind." Kara felt so small and vulnerable as she tried to utter the words. Finally, she extended the notebook to Lena. She was offering it to her.

"You're giving it to me?" The brunette couldn't hide her surprise and confusion anymore. She felt genuinely touched as she grabbed the small object.

"I've been looking for the perfect Christmas gift for you since October. I've been to a ton of shops and I've done a thousand of online orders which I've later returned because none of those things seemed enough. Not for you." Lena was about to interject but Kara wasn't yet finished. "That's why I'm giving you the notebook. It's yours now. I'm… I mean, it's… it's a piece of…"

"It's you." Lena finished for her. "You're giving me yourself."

The blonde simply nodded. She hadn't originally meant for anyone to read that notebook. She only started writing it for herself, but as she thought more and more about it. What better gift to give someone than oneself? She was giving Lena all of her thoughts, all of her joys and fears. She was scared to death, but as the brunette’s eyes sparkled upon running her hands along the cover, all of Kara’s fears dissipated. She felt safe.

Lena opened the notebook and the first thing she saw was one simple sentence, written in black ink and in the middle of the page. It was small, enough that one would struggle to read it, but the brunette was used to Kara’s writing by now so she had no trouble reading the sentence. _For my angel._

Lena went through the pages one by one. She was mesmerized by all the things she read, from poems and paragraphs that resembled thoughts than would be written on a personal journal to songs that were composed for her. As she reached the final page Lena realised it had been written last minute, for the ink was still fresh. As she read the final words "I'm in love with you, Lena" it finally dawned on her what that was all really about. That was a declaration of love if Lena had ever seen one. Kara was fully giving herself to Lena. Whether she was putting herself up for rejection or not, the blonde had no idea, but she convinced herself it was worth a try. When minutes passed and Lena had yet to say something Kara started to panic.

"Oh my god." Her eyes were open wide, realising now this had been a terrible idea and that she had destroyed the friendship they had built over the years. "I'm so sorry, Lena. I didn't intend to make you feel uncomfortable. It's okay, we can pretend this never happened. Oh my god. I'm such an idiot. I shouldn't-"

The blonde was cut off with Lena’s lips. She recovered quickly from the surprise and returned the kiss, tasting as she kissed the brunette the salty tears that had started falling from her eyes.

"I hope you're crying because of all of my misspellings hurt your eyes and not because you feel sorry for me." Lena fully laughed this time and grabbed Kara from behind her neck, bringing her lips back to the blonde’s.

"You are such an idiot."

"Yeah" Kara said cheerfully as they parted for air. "But I'm your idiot."

Lena hummed in response as she slipped her tongue into Kara’s mouth. The blonde put her hands around the CEO’s hips and brought her body closer to hers.

"Can we come back in now or are you guys humping like rabbits already?!" Maggie shouted from somewhere behind the door.

"Ugh, I swear I hate them." Kara grunted. Lena chuckled and leaned her forehead against the blonde’s.

"It'll have to be like that sometimes, deal with it." She said as they both heard their friends cheer and applause while entering the living room. "Oh, and just so we're clear" Lena quickly added before their friends would finally arrive to where the pair were entangled "I love you too."


End file.
